The ad promised a fast-paced career opportunity with excellent pay. It offhandedly mentioned the possibility of high risk to personal safety, peppered with adjectives like “exciting” and “survival-variant.” I’ve always been an optimist.

I’ve been working for Dr. Misfortune for two weeks now. Lackey 437 told me we had health benefits when the lair first opened but the provider refused to renew after the first year. Apparently we’re on some sort of industry blacklist now, so we go without.

It was Lackey 437 who assigned my number and trained me. It’s mostly food serving, door opening, nothing fancy. Occasionally we’ll be called to a gunfight, like the insurgence yesterday that took Lackey 437’s life in the hall outside the communications room.

Today Dr. Misfortune has scheduled a taunting of Agent Vincent Virtue, whom he captured this morning. He’ll be demonstrating his new limb-separating device, and I’m told lackeys often get crucial roles in such demonstrations. I can’t wait to see what that might entail.