A really interesting premise – though it is the kind of story which relies on the strength of it’s twist to succeed.

And the final paragraph here is satisfyingly chilling, forebodingly ominous and deliciously spooky enough to create ample opportunity for all kinds of sequels.

I just found the rest of the piece to be quite rushed – clearly you needed to get to a specific point in the story very quickly, but the ‘dozens of questions’, ‘weeks of examinations’ and ‘years’ of waiting felt glossed over, and without depth…

Still, an original idea, with lots of room for development – MH :)

Thanks so much for the comments! I don’t think I would have noticed that it’s ten pounds of Ficly in a five-pound bag, but you’re exactly right. Something to work on in a revision! This is why I love critiques!

What a great plot. Self terrorization.
Perhaps real in an unreal way .e.g. how we make our own terrors in life.

Eee freaky. Im not sure i want to know more about this character lol yet i do. well done :)

I agree with MH and mare. :) I think this is a great plot synopsis, and you should expand it into a short story.

Another possibility is that the main character was told all of this to see if it would have any sort of psychological effect. Sort of a placebo where you’re told something is going to happen so it does, regardless of whether the implantations had actually been done.

I really enjoyed the ideas, though I wish it was stretched out over a series… I left me craving the details… some craving is good… too much is disappointing. Keep working at it, I have a feeling you’re going to write something really unique!

Thanks for all the great perspectives, everyone! I really appreciate it!

Definitely a great ending to it, makes one wonder how much we each have within us, that darkness lurking at the corners of who we are.

The ending is quite wonderful. Gave me a chill as I thought about the ramifications. Nicely done…now give us more!