Woww.
I’m really lost right now, but this seems like it’ll make a good series.

I think the fact that they’re translucent freaks me out the most. Ugh.

Not bad. I got the gist of it, but some parts could definitely use clarification.

this did better than I expected.

While repetition can be really good, I think it was a mite overdone in the beginning. But I do like the starting image it gives (clear as mud? Thought so). The rest of the story seems a little too expository, more like notes on this plot instead of a narrative force.

That being said, the premise sounds interesting.

I agree with Stovo, an interesting premise, but it seems more like a skeleton, or a plan for a story, than a story itself.

I believe you may have revealed a bit too much in the beginning.

Very interesting though.