The story begins before humans even came to be. My name is Franklin, and I invented the human race. I am, what a mere simpleton would call a turtle. Yes a turtle.
You thought pigs where intelligent. Well my friends I invented pigs. And no, I do not have a moustache. I invented the moustache.

The world would be a sorry place was it not for turtles.

Oh wait. Does this sound like a children’s story? Take that smile off your face. Everything you knew before reading this was a lie. You probably haven’t even heard of Franklin. You have now. You see up until now I kept my existence a secret, because even my own children would not understand. You have heard people say ‘we are all children of god’s earth.’ That statement is incorrect, try: ‘we are all children of Franklin’s earth’. And Franklin is a turtle.

I AM NOT A TORTOISE. WE ARE NOT THE SAME THING. I INVENTED THE TORTIOSE.

Owls are called owls. God, even frogs have a name. Ha, I invented them.

But my name is Franklin, and Windows Seven was my idea.