A lot of really important stuff happened before you arrived.
It’s all right; at least I got to sleep in.

That pretty girl from the coffee shop cancels dinner with you again.
Guess I get to kickback at home and watch movies.

You trip on a hose and sprain your ankle.
It could’ve been worse.

You lost your wallet in a bad part of town.
I needed to change the address on my license anyway.

You fall down an open manhole and break your leg.
Mini-vacation from work.

Your wife leaves you for your best friend,
More bed space, one less Christmas card.

You fall down a flight of stairs and become permanently paralyzed from the waist down.
Closer parking.

You sink to the deepest depth of human misery.
It can only get better from here.

A lot of really important stuff will happen after you leave.
It’s all right (yawn); at least I’ll get to bed early.

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