Once upon a time, there was a nice old lady living in a cottage minding her own business. One night there came a loud rapping at the door.

Knowing who it was, she reluctantly rose to answer. It was her neighbor, Reginald Higgins.

“It’s yer cat again, ya old witch! She trompled me flowers an’ scared me granson with her ferocious growling. An’ she put a hex on me decimal.”

“Now Mr. Higgins, we’ve been through this before. I don’t even own a cat, and if I did, you don’t have any flowers OR a grandson.”

Mr. Higgins turned bright red and screamed, “Are you threatening me?! Why I ought to-”

As he swung back his fist, there was a loud light and a flash of bang.

At which point, Mr. Reginald Higgins paused, and said, “Ng pnf mkugup,” which, translated into English, is, “I say, gentle lady, thou hast turned my humble personage into a newt.”

And then, it got better.