I adore this.

Wow this is actually amazing! Definate 5 pencils!

There’s some lovely language here, but I didn’t quite follow it overall. I think it’s because you’re describing the effect and the metaphor, but I couldn’t see any hint of the underlying reality, leaving the whole thing an exercise in what you would like us to get out of it. The writing is mostly solid (except that fragment at the end of the first paragraph), I just think the point got a little lost in the ether.