Interesting. Is the third death her innocence, or something to that effect?

Yes, more to the latter.

I really want to love this piece. There is a quality to the writing style that I find appealing. However, I’m not certain of the man and woman’s relationship and that sort of saps some of the emotion of it for me.

Also, one little typo…fourth sentence, “its” not “it’s”.

This is a good entry. Be proud.

Woah, let me find my bearings… ok, this is good… yeah, it’s grotesque in visuals, and twisted in mind, and though it ends in self hate/disgust and anger swirling as this person shatters… it’s beautiful too.

Wow.
It was strange though I imagined ‘him’ as a boy rather than a man. It sounded more of a childish thing to do, childish curiosity, unless he was disturbed mentally.
The visuals are fantastic. It’s almost poetic. I like the count- up?
And the characters are so human. Too often characters can’t be developed enough to make them real on this site, but you make them so beautifully human and reactionary.
I have to say though, I reread this in the present tense and thought it flowed a lot better. All the ’d’s really jar the piece.
I still love it though <3

I thought this was a great entry. Something beautiful didn’t quite get created, but that’s a matter for the challenge. As a stand alone piece I thought it was a nice representation of when a line is crossed, a limit exceeded, not to mention the old addage that violence begets violence.

Thanks everyone for the comments!
Fixed the typo.
Tenses are something that continually plague me…

THX, the challenge was “death of something beautiful/creation of something evil/tragedy”. I didn’t exactly create something beautiful – but it died in the story.

I live off of feedback – thanks for not letting me starve!

Looking over some of my old work I found out that this won the challenge… my first challenge win.

I feel all warm and happy, then I re-read my story….

Thanks Silven!