Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. That is to say he is a bear. You see Fuzzy Wuzzy isn’t dead nor has his condition, which we will discuss in a moment, changed the core of his being. He spends his days enjoying bear activities such as eating honey, long winter naps, and mauling tourists for their picnic baskets.

Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. What is the cause of this condition? Being a bear, Fuzzy isn’t much on small talk. Only Fuzzy’s barber knows. According to him, Fuzzy comes in at least once a week and asks for a little off the top. The barber, unsure of where the top ends and the bottom begins, shaves it all off. So far Fuzzy has never complained.

Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy was he? This is a lie. Depending on the growth rate of bear hair and his frequency of barber visits there is a good chance that Fuzzy would be come just that. Of course he’d probably also become itchy. Maybe Itchy Ritchie would be a better name.