This is a deeply intriguing idea. There are some parts where I get a little lost in what’s happening — I have no sense of the setting or who all is in the scene, so the actions of the characters feel vague. (I also had to reread a few places to figure out if “she” was referring to the mother or daughter.)

But that last line is killer. Well done overall.

Yeah, I admit that I’m less than pleased with this piece and will probably go through and re-edit it. But thank you very much for your kind words!

I’ve done a little editing, hopefully it’s easier to read.

Your visions come to life here. Your imagination and powerful penwWOmanship equally combine lending quality— fulfilling your unique idea. The descriptions are killer and it’s backed up by a great story. I enjoyed this tons.