I really like the use of snow and cold to reflect both something pure and innocent (the boy) and something foreboding and dangerous (the father).

I do wish the mom’s dialogue were a little more natural — right now it feels like it’s there to explain everything to the reader, and that pulls me out of the story.

The visual links are quite vivid and story lends itself to a sequel but I think Elizabeth has hit on the real hitch in the story. Well done though Squibz.

two things: they have clothes in the kitchen? I think you might fix her bustling around. And the door opens BEFORE he approaches it? Does he have super powers?

I love the cliffhanger ending, is daddy this same angry Jim or not? Is he Jim at all? The cold lends itself well to the shivers. The ‘money’ that she has that this Jim person is after could mean the woman is a shady character too. Perhaps she was part of a bank robbery too..
I like the phone conversation, yes, it took a couple readings to figure it all out, but it works to build tension.

Agree, the visual descriptions in this are great.