Short and sweet, but conveys a lot of emotion. Very well done.

Short, but a grat little moment of story.

Hello indeed. This setup certainly begs a lot of questions!

The only thing I’d note is that “intoned” seems an awfully heavy word for saying “hello”. I definitely like the atmosphere, though!

Well, the dictionary defines it as “saying something with little rise or fall of the pitch of the voice,” so that’s what I was trying to get across. But I see what you mean. Maybe I should switch around the order of the words so it isn’t as clunky, though.

I really enjoyed this, especially because it’s such a distilled moment. I try to always hit 1,024 characters exactly (it’s a personal challenge), and something like this is a great reminder that shorter can be better. I’m with Centipede on “intoned,” however.

Muttered better? Or still heavy?