Oops, reread it again, really like this story and I was wrong. Paragraph 4 should be your opener. What an excellent paragraph it is! “As I left the front door, I lit my cigarette with the lighter and next, my house.” One of the best opening story lines I’ve read in years! Sorry to be so analytical, but please rewrite it with that line first???

Thank you for your advice.

I took it and switched the paragraphs, and I agree it does seem better and more eye catching. Glad you enjoyed it.

wow this was awesome. it could be the begining of something epic or stand alone. a gazillion pencils

I encourage anyone who feels they can write a prequel or even sequel, to feel free.

Awesome. She is so detached. She must have done this before..

Really brutal, and other than the kids being up in their rooms I could imagine sympathizing with her. Good job conveying that absolute detachment, and the fact that the sister and dad are accomplice to it hints and much larger dysfunction.

Wow, Gabe. When you come back you come back screaming :)
I could almost sympathise with this woman, but for her killing her kids… to what profit?
I agree with the part about judging… nobody can truly judge until they’ve been through it.
I’d love to know what drove her to such lunacy, but at the same time I feel like I’d be disappointed with whatever anyone came up with. That’s the problem with such ambiguous stories! Ah, the conundrum… I still love them,… love it!

Outstanding revision

Definitely leaves an impression in your mind. Can’t say I’ll be getting this image out of my head for awhile.

It would be interesting to explore this character futher due to the fact that the woman seems to be close to her own father but destroys the father of her children along with her children. Intriguing.

Begs for a sequel in my mind. Who is game?

Oh, and I did enjoy it! This is aweome.

Well, TEH, if you wanna sequel, the door is wide open.

Prequelling is even a huge possibility here.

I plan to. Give me some time & I will.

Very well written! We are immediately drawn to this apparently dysfunctional woman.

The sentence “I lit my cigarette with the lighter and next, my house.” felt a bit awkward to me; I think it’s the “lit/lighter” repetition. Perhaps you can consider something like “I took the lighter and ignited my cigarette first. Then, the house.” Or if you prefer a more flowing style: “Zippo in hand, I lit my cigarette and then my house.” Another option is brevity: “I lit my cigarette, then my house.”