Woah, what a dramatic improvement since you first started posting not so long ago, Micky! This is excellent! In fact, you made me realize that I mis-spelled rosy (rosey) in one of my previous posts. The student has already become the teacher, for gawdness sake! Keep writing. You rock.

There is so much talent here that any critique would simply overshadow the great stuff we’ve got on the written page….very visual, exciting action, great dialog. Man, like the Tad’zlow be sayeeen, YO! Keep writing!

Okay, so they covered the positive stuff. Great. That means I get to be the jerk. I agree with them that the drama is great.

Critique time: You use the ‘comma splice’ several times; that’s a no-no. Throw in some conjunctions. The first sentence was confusing because of the use of ‘it’ and that your character (the dog) is named after a common noun referring to an element of weather. I’m not sure the best way to clarify it, but just pointing out areas to improve. I almost want to say to try various sentence structures, but I think that will be helped if you stop doing the comma splice thing.

Just things to work on to continue improving. Lots of potential, as Tad and the Hillbilly have said.

I applaud you THX for going there, because not even the most successful writer’s on the planet are perfect. We all need to be corrected and updated frequently, in all areas of life and professions. Bravo for stepping in and being the teacher, for lending some balance.

And do take what THX said to be as much worth as our praise, Micky. All of what we’ve given here in the comments section is truly important for growth :)

:D well, this story was based ona role play charther i role play. “Snow Strom” he is an ex- racing dog for a indina tribe.. And thx!

I don’t mean to sugarcoat comments, but an Amish friend told me once that if you can find one good thing to say to someone, then that’s a start. Probably best to establish a rapport with someone before becoming a harsh critic out of the blue, eh?

Wow! Starting off with a bang, aren’t we? Great drama, and your word choice has improved 100 percent. Very nice paragraphing and use of quotations, too.

Like the other guys said, keep your eyes peeled for unnecessary commas, capitalization, and run on sentences.

It might help if you write the story on Ficly, then before you publish it, copy and paste the story into a Word document. The spelling errors will be underlined in red and the grammatical errors in green.

**To copy, highlite the story and then right click on it. Select “Copy”. Minimize the Ficly page. Then, open a Word document, right click (I think) and select “Paste”.

Good luck! We are all so proud of your exceptional writing! Keep up the awesome work. And for the record, I agree with Tad. You rock.

Sheesh that was long. Just wanted to add that the title dominates. :D

:P can always count on you hill.. You to tad! :3

And you Kihd… :)