I wander back and forth, from one old hangout to the next old hangout.

Back and forth, back and forth…

Where did you go?

You were here… Then you weren’t.

Did you leave because of me?

Or because… Because I can’t be me anymore?

What is me?

Did you leave at all?

It’s choking me now.

All of it, it’s right here, it’s got me by the neck and it’s holding on.

It’s squeezing.

I stop and close my eyes, standing in front of that place, the place where we first met.

I try to take a breath but cannot.

It’s got me too tight.

I feel tears well up but cannot find it in me to be surprised.

I start walking again, shedding layer after layer of warm clothing.

All too quickly I’m down to my last layers.

I keep walking.

I don’t hear the murmurs and gasps, the gentle touches trying to stop me.

It’s got me too tight.

I enter those cold wrought iron gates, pass by the bleak all gray and white landscape.

It’s winter…?

I kneel on the ground in front of the angel, and the tears spill into the ice.