The opening creates action which is a great way to get the engine of a story to start. “Booted feet, leaves…” I hear it, see it, smell it! Cool! Bullets “whizzing” is a bit of a cliche’, however, consider a simile or metaphor such as “bullets hurtled….like…” Only other thing I would change is “in anguish” when Manny gets hurt. I love the pace and overall tone of this. With some minor tweaks, it could get a six in my eyes. I’m a glass “half-full” type of hillbilly so I’ll give it a 5, esp. b/c it help my interest and I want to read more.

:D yeah! oh and BTW manny yells cus sammy gets shot owo XD but ok and ill fix that.. just wait my friend….just you wait…

Very nice! I am also a glass half full kind of Kihd, so I’ll give it a five also.

With the tweakage that Hillbilly mentioned and making sure you don’t split up the sentences too much with commas, it’s Grrreat!

:P YAY!

Yes, I agree with the above comments, the descriptions work well and they make this a quality post. There’s a lot of room for this story to grow too. Few errors here and there, but this is an ‘A’ in an advanced eighth grade english class even.