I’m not sure exactly what your intention was, but from the word go, I read this as a mix of the pleasantly poetic and the cringe-inducingly metaphoric!

The sweet nectar? The verdant bush? The delicate petals?

These represent perfectly the whole catalogue (many horticulture related) of thinly veiled sexual allusions which can be so fun and semi-naughty to read!

Difficult to review, because I certainly enjoyed it, though in equal measures because it’s richly imagined, as well as a study in cheesy sexual suggestion…

I will certainly keep an eye on this as a strong contender – MH :)

hahahahaha! oh yeah, I so went semi-naughty and cheesy! (still laughing)

This is so cheesy Elsha! Like a Medieval poem. A comedy!
At the same time I thought of something more sinister, like a stalker.
There are so many ways to read this!

Some may say cheesy, but there is a fine line between cheesy and the art of particularity. There are poetic nuances here that went over the line but could be tweaked to bring it to a state of brilliance. This line, for ex. “I close my eyes to see you better, a diamond, prismatic, dazzling the mind’s eye.” may read better as “I close my eyes to see you better, a diamond in the mind’s eye.” 5 for the potential this has with some well placed edits. Nice, Elsha!

thanks hillbilly. you make an awesome point! I struggled with that line poetically. It’s time to review this.

made a few edits. took out the most cliche line of all. :P

I liked it! Cheesy, yes, but playfully so. We could almost pretend it really was about a flower and a bee.