Pretty good! It definitely creates a mood.

You know, I don’t think I was expecting it to be quite so… well, porny piano porn. I’m kind of impressed. And kind of creeped out, but not in a bad way.

I wanted to mention something about how they used to put skirts on piano legs during Victorian times, but I didn’t have the space. So here’s that factoid!

very elaborately and seductively worded! Then the sad little glitch at the end. I think perhaps you should see the challenge page and maybe enter this into the classy porn challenge, or at least send a note to pyropunk.

Thanks Elsha, I’ll do that!

This struck too close to home, damn my impotence.

This is very well-done, and again, the pacing is stellar. The language is great; I think you could have even gone a little more florid, but I’m hardly complaining that you didn’t (I hate florid writing).

It’s also perfectly adapted to the character limit, which is rare. If it were much longer, the similes/metaphors/almost-puns would be suffocating – as it is, it works.

This really is a great piano porn piece. Every word was lovingly typed, and it shows.

You wouldn’t happen to play the piano yourself, would you? The tenderness with which you illustrated this little scene suggested something much more intimate than the “mere” music enthusiast.
(she types as she leans lovingly into the curve of her own piano Oliver)
The sentiment warmed my heart. And the eloquence!
(For curiosity’s sake, what kind of piano did you have in mind? I kept picking up a “concert grand” vibe, but I could be wrong)

As a matter of fact, I don’t. I know a few scales and the opening to Don’t Stop Believin’, but that’s about it. Also, a baby grand.

It took me once or twice but I enjoyed it. I wonder how familiar the tones are and just what sort of experience this person has at the piano. Are they familiar because he is fond of music, or are they familiar because he is actually a performer?

It isn’t something that needs changing because you can read the story either way, but the degree of his familiarity is definitely something I wonder about in this.

This is quite good- every word is there for a reason, and the piece is inarguably original.

This is exquisitely composed.

YaYa – check this out:

http://www.classicalvalues.com/archives/2007/03/modesty_in_all.html

I have it on very good authority, however, that the skirts on piano legs deal is actually a misconception. Most furniture back in Victorian times would have a band placed on the lower part of it legs to protect from damage.

Can only find one reference to this online right now:

http://www.experiencefestival.com/a/Victorian_morality/id/1993396

Man. Dali was a weird puppy. Thanks for the info, Spider!

Wow, i can see why you said you wanted to enter it in the challenge. It would totally fit. Sorry i was so harsh!

No problemo!

Not a problem Pyropunk. Do you mind if I submit it now, or do you still want new content?

damn yaya

this was cool… I even felt a bit dirty reading it

Solid, dude. I’d say more but everything I wanted to touch on has been noted above.

@yaya just post the link in the comments and i’ll count it as part of the challenge. no need to redo it.

Great story.

Yaya this is fantastic. Beautifully evocative.

Wow, this is pretty great, YaYa.

Truly the classiest of porn.

I completely agree with Vivixenne. I felt like I was intruding on a spectacular couple moment! Very nice!

This truly hits all the right chords.

YaYa! so lovely name! Ya in Chinese means duck.

Great story and imagery.

Prequel posted – ha!

I’m a little creeped out, but in a good way.

I like that the eroticism doesn’t completely erode the intimacy of their relationship. The sudden reversal was well done, and the pun was good- obvious, but not corny. Sometimes I think the imagery is a little too blunt, though.

I liked this a lot, a great description of the relationship between a man and his instrument.

Is this called pornano or pianorn?

Strangely erotic. I know you’re not a furnie but I’m sure this happens to be up their alley. For the rest of us, it is just a distrubingly good read.

@Butler: I would go with pornano. It has a ring to it. Along with a weird, creepy vibe. haha

yaya, I love the flow of the flow of the story. But what I love more are your word choices. Theres not a single word in here that throws off the tone or mood of the piece. Sometimes, even just one word can trip the reader up and kill the mood, but none of that is to be found here!

I love the flow of the flow of the story? mmmm…probably not.

But what i actualy do love is the flow of the story. Goodness, sometimes its just hard for my fingers to keep up with my brain.

man it gave me a funny feeling about clarinets

Lol at the porny piano porn comment.
This made me laugh because it took me a minute to realize this was a piano.

Beautiful.

Erotic tension and an electric build-up. You capture the protagonist’s feeling for his music and his instrument brilliantly. Pure passion.

Maybe the twist is what caused him to leave the stage?

Beautiful. Music itself can be so seductive, and I really enjoy the pacing and language you use here.

What I find interesting is that I have a very clear image of Eleanor in my head… but absolutely none of her player! Was that intentional?

First impression? The diction. The words are so perfectly chosen and crafted to convey the connection between the musician and his instrument; I’m quite awestruck. The pacing is just right. Brings out the feeling of tenderness and reverence that portray a connection that runs far deeper than just an ability to play or appreciation for the sound. Great work!