Comments on Probable Cause by stargazer1960

stargazer1960

I based this on Progress or Pause by THX 0477.
http://ficly.com/stories/22867
I really liked it and wanted to give Penz a try.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
THX 0477

Cool, I like the reversal to the patient’s point of view and how careful and calculating you made him, trying to weigh each word and only reveal what he wanted to.
You’ve got a typo early on, with ‘growning’ for ‘growing’.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
J. Rein B.

compared to the original, does that mean that he says some things out loud without realizing it?
Adds for me just another layer to his crazy cake.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
stargazer1960

Thanks for catching the typo, THX.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
Abstract

This reworking of THX’s story to fit the alternative point of view is brilliant. The tone is perfectly nuanced.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
- 5 out of 5
stargazer1960

Thanks, Abstract Rorschach.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
saveloy

I think you’ve done a great job reworking the original to show how the patient’s fevered mind works. Nicely done.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
- 5 out of 5
stargazer1960

Cool, featured and some good comments. It’s a great week.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.