This strayed from point.

I like the craziness, the jumpiness, and whimsical nature of your poem. Staying on point is overdone :) and there are some sweet lines in there that you might have missed out on if you tried to tie it all together. It does get a little strange 3/4’s of the way down, but I like flaws, or rather, what seems to be a flaw on first glance— or what others think is flawed, rejecting the consensus and seeing something great in the midst of it all instead. Your poem succeeds in doing that for me. That’s why I likey.

As a reader, that can be felt -it starts out with a rhyme, but then changes.

Been reading Isaiah lately? The references to Moab were interesting, but I can see the application (at least, there are connections I detect).

It’s clear there’s a lot going on here – the ending request for peace adds a sense of finality.

It has rhyme :) It follows an ABCBCA pattern, but maybe is not so obvious.

it has a theme: despair.
seeking escape
viewing the world as ungoverned and bleak
the personal touch again at the end lending closure and bringing the reader full circle from outward away from the character, then back in.
it’s art, appreciate it :)

Yeah, I noticed the rhyme but I didn’t pick up on the pattern— like I’ve said before… you tend to imbed your rhymes, which is really awesome for me cuz I like that sort of stuff. I do the same thing but I usually imbed so much rhyme that it’s easy to detect— I’m overkill and off kilter— where as you exhibit balance and craftiness— you’re a sly rhymer :)