Mr. Varling's Sex Ed Lesson

Mr. Varling stood at the front of the room, holding exactly twenty unripe bannana’s and seven little blue boxes of Trojan lubricated condoms. He pulled at his checkered tie, dropping a box in the process. Quickly, as if the box had teeth, he picked it up and put it on the first table. Along with the condoms he threw down five bannana’s not stopping to look at where they landed.

“N-now, I want you to…rip, no wait-unpeel the condom from the wrapper, and slowly put it on the bannana. Inspect it for any, umm, holes and such, and then wait.”

“Mr. Varling, why are these so sticky? I can’t put it on!”

Slowly, Mr. Varling walked over to the confused seventh grader, and pulled the condom out of her hands.

“That is called l-lubricant. It’s…umm, here let me do it for you.”

With a grimace he rolled it over the bannana and strode quickly away, leaving the seventh grader even more confused.

“What do we do after?”

“You can…ummm…eat if if…no, NO, don’t do that. You may leave now. Sex-Ed is over.”

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