Maybe it’s just because I’m delighted by British safari silliness, but I like this a lot! You’ve given a great portrait of bot characters. The Big Game Hunter dialogue could come off as overblown, but I think it fits the context perfectly.

It struck me as a fun sort of caricature. I trust this was the intent? So long as you were trying to be a little humorous, I don’t think it was “overblown” at all. If it’s meant to be a bit more serious, you may want to tone it down a bit. The end seems to fit better in the latter case. It still works in the former, as a sort of juxtaposition, just not quite as well.

Yeah, I was going for caricature but ended a little heavy. Also, you don’t know it, but the guy gets malaria from the mosquito.

I, myself, enjoy the caricatures, old bean. The gravity of the last paragraph throws me a bit as well, but it still works in its own way.