An Angry Guilt

I feigned happiness as I took huge bites of my sandwich. Amber had no idea how peeved I was inside. I tried to give my friend at least 75% of my undivided attention. But my eyes kept wandering across the cafeteria to him.

Across the way sat the guy who had the power to change my day from cheery to dark in two seconds. How I loathed the girls he gave attention to! How I longed for one glance from him! What I thought was once an easy friendship over a chem lab project, had turned an ugly shade of green and soured my mood for the whole week.

My stomach macerated the food as angrily as my heart pounded out death threats into my brain. Outside, I smiled and nodded and took gulps of my soda while Amber spoke about her latest date with Steven.

All I could think about was my own jealous misery. I felt like I’d been cheated on. And worst of all, more than this non-relationship having a hold on my heart, was that I may have caused my own troubles. It was an angry guilt and I didn’t know how to get rid of it.

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