Really cool idea, and I like the idea of going back to a childhood site and finding something very adult and sinister. There’s a moral in that somewhere. The writing feels a bit choppy in places but hard to say why. Some mention of who or what you mean by ‘Old Red’ might help as well. Overall, really intriguing, but just a few missteps distracting from that.

Yeah, it needs a few tweaks. There’s major incontinuity, basically by the fact that Old Red is supposed to be the house, then I changed the colour to blue. I’m going to edit it tomorrow when I have a bit more brainpower.