I dig it, Salient. I dig it a lot. Nice atmospheric work, and the monsters (?) are just vague enough to be scary.

As for the last sentence, I’d try just “But we will grow teeth of our own” after the cities line, it’s just a little too long. You need to be concise to really button the ending, and you’re not doing that right now.

Yesss perfect, that is exactly what I needed.

Sometimes when I’m editing I get stuck on a phrase without realizing it.

This is groovy.

This – “They den by the hundreds in abandoned granaries. I’ve seen them there. Sleeping.” – reminds me of a visual from the I Am Legend movie (in a good way) when the ‘vampires’ are roosting in the abandoned building.

I think you could drop “you see” here: “You can’t feel the first bite, you see”. The repetition of ‘you’ seems a bit cumbersome to me but I’m only being a picky bitch because you were receptive to the first bit of constructive criticism and I enjoy the tone of the thing overall.

This is a tight read with plenty of room to expand. I like the multiple layers of predator and prey: the things and what they hunt, the government and the bitten, the protected city folks and surviving outsiders? Oh, and I particularly like the “not about vampires” tag.