I wake up in the morning to machines beeping … tubes winding in and around my body. Blood. Lot’s of it. Better call the nurse again. The smell is almost comforting at this point.

My body is doing exactly what I want it to do. I took a little pill and all my problems went away. Four days in the hospital and a low grade fever, but it’s all gone now.

The sheets get changed, some muffins get brought to my bedside. I am left alone. Utterly, completely, permanently alone.

Just the way I always wanted it.