Great job!!

Very descriptive and passionate scene you crafted! There are lots of excellent snippets sprinkled in here. For example, “Snow, clinging to our lashes and hats, melted on contact…”

But, brace yourself… I think that some of the descriptions are too involved to work as well as they could. I see tremendous potential in this ficly of yours, however. I hope you don’t take my critique to be discouraging because I think that this kind of writing, with time and practice, can’t be beat. It’s just about learning how to fit it all in as clearly as possible. If you get sick of clarifying stuff you can always just slap a big POETRY label on it and tell people to ‘figure it out for themselves’— that works for some people too :)

That one built and got stronger by the end. I think the double ‘as’ in the second sentence gave me a little pause is all. Great moment and definitely has that feel of dramatic, illicit romance.

this rocks! so hot! nicely done. I was right there in the moment.

I didn’t even notice that double ‘as’, good bit of advice. Thanks for the comments!
P.S – I love that it was ‘so hot’ with such a frigid setting!