I think you should add more character and personality. I know no one who would respond in real life “Oh Mother, that is so sad!” It is way too formal, especially for someone younger. But still good :)

Actually I was going for a 1950’s feel.The Empire State Building was completed in 1931, keeping with the names “Roger Darcy” and “Cassie” which are older names, compared to more modern. So I definitely felt the formality was necessary. Also, senior trips back then would have been to the White House or something like the E.S.B, instead of Cancun(nowadays)! But thanks for your comment!

Nice read. I like the openness of the story; it’s definitely set up for adding to.