Killer. Could almost do without the first paragraph entirely, but it does create the right mood.

I absolutely loved the juxaposition of “two fingers. Two figures…” crap like that makes my that bone in my brain that thought an English Degree was a good idea.

I almost agree with Eckhouse above. The 1st paragraph has a different frequency than the rest of the piece. Also the tense is jumping around.

However good job all around