“Good evening!
I’m Xemethian Turnstell and this is CHANNEL 42 Intergalactic Nightly News, in affiliation with the VOVchen Corp.
Now the headlines for Heptember 67th.

In the Western Rim, the Modernist-Post Modernist war continues. Today, the Modernist Regime claims to have invented the ultimate weapon, but the nearby world of the Post-Modernism Semi-Gov has stated, ‘That depends on your point of view.’
The Worker’s Strike on Planet Marx had its 143 anniversary today, upon which they extended their riot schedule by two solar hours and burned supplies sent to them by the League of Unconditional Universal Equality.
Jameseth Quorfle’s hot new single ‘LoveLoveLoveLoveLove’, now holds a Galactic record for using the word ‘love’ 45983 times. The song is 35 standard hours long.
And finally in the Kappa quadrant, Planet Darwin has evolved a new moon!
Experts say it must have been coming for about a trillion years, but witnesses report a hearing a Small Bang.

More on these stories after these messages!"