This one maintained POV much better than the last. Liked: fingers manipulated them like a musician hoop and ring are redundant. “wrist-sized hoop of a key ring out” Alt: wrist-sized key ring out
This one maintained POV much better than the last.
Liked: fingers manipulated them like a musician hoop and ring are redundant. “wrist-sized hoop of a key ring out” Alt: wrist-sized key ring out
Very minor changes.
Tina Murphy 
Robert Quick Tina Murphy Robert Quick