Oh my my my…. ouch!! But sexy. I could use some paring down of the language… but as is I think the heavy descriptions lend itself to poetry…. but it should be easier to read.

I think as poetry it’s close to a 5/5 pencils… as prose tho… I don’t even know.. lol.. it’s unique!

I thought it worked well as a combo of ‘in the moment’ at this proper social gathering, under which simmers a lot of lust and naughtiness at the recall of the previous night and possibilities in the night to come. The prose is a bit ‘purple’, but I thought it worked for the content and setting.

Thanks! Yeah – I confess I enjoyed myself with the rather…superfluous descriptions…but I did alter it a little.

I love how it begins so specific and ends leading us into the mischievous pastimes that are tale-telling of his character. A provoking read!

Thanks!

Huge chasm between his description and the environment surrounding him. Introducing such a malignant character with tea and tarts is like lemon juice in milk.

In other words, well, well done.