I feel dirty and sad.

“One for the mess and one for the swelling.”

Man. That’s so matter of fact it’s actually chilling. I think this is damn good; not sure if it fits the challenge as I understood it but I’m glad it inspired you to write it.

And when I say glad I mean vaguely traumatised.

This is awesome. Took me a minute to realize what the counting was even with the title. I originally associated it with number of thrusts or something that didn’t quite make sense.

And huge kudos for keeping it safe for the masses. There’s enough innuendo to easily be PG-13, but without being blatant enough for that R rating.

the boredom just oozes out of this story. i think i have actually seen this porno ;-)

@John Perkins what’s sad is I’m usually the most foul person in the group.

I really wanted to see if I could get away with the non vulgar F scene.

Thanks everyone for the kind words

Really enjoyed this. Excellent writing, with the woman’s voice coming through loud and clear.

The only thing I didn’t like – and this is almost just for the sake of making this a worthwhile comment – I felt the adverb “laughingly” was unnecessary and out of place. With the strength of the writing, I can picture exactly how he would have done this without a need for the adverb. That could be personal preference however. I subscribe to the Stephen King theory of adverbs in fiction, in that they’re rarely necessary unless the writing is weak.

This writing is nothing of the sort – well done!

You convey the sleaze brilliantly. I feel dirty just reading it.

Very powerfully portrayed.

Er. I think I just forgot to say that I really enjoyed reading it. It took hold of my emotions and abused them mercilessly. Quite an achievement in 1024 characters. Very well done.

@r. o’keeffe I don’t like adverbs as a general rule as well. The original line was “he high fived the others laughing like he just invented the world’s greatest d joke.”

But it took me over the character limit.

I don’t mean to be defensive but I agree with your crit 100%.

Thanks to all the others that’ve commented.

Dear god,i feel dirty just reading this. Damn this is quite disturbing visually, but excellent otherwise.

Nice job. *