I like it.

Whoa. That last sentence brought such a taste to my mouth! Great gory descriptions, too. I liked the lively details, worn out adjectives always make me feel sad. Well done!

Some odd sentence structures, but by the end I was chalking that up to it being more poem than narrative and ran with it. Lines like the one about the glee and rainbows were a bit hard to follow, but I got the point by the end. A neat idea and some great imagery.