I don’t know if I like this story as well as my first. The beginning seems pretty mediocre. Please criticize. I need all the help I can get!

Fix the “inticing” so that it’s spelled the same way as in the title, but that’s my only nitpick. And I think you might need another “s” in dessert, otherwise it would be like a sandy desert.
I like it! I immediately thought of that cake that is called “Death by Chocolate”. You give very lucid details, which is great. Great job.

Thanks! I am surprised that flew by me.

Poison was my first thought. This is great! The food makes me hungry. “The stars had aligned” – so indicative of the proverbial rose-tinted lenses.

Nice! Now I want to know who dunnit!

Hi Freckled Dancer.

I enjoyed your story, but I have a bit of feedback if you’re interested in it.

My main piece of advice is to take out unnecessary words. For example, if the guests loved the games and prizes, you don’t have to tell us that they’re entertaining or fun — we know that because the guests loved them!

In the same vein, I think ‘Fear came over her eyes like a shadow’ could become something like ‘Fear shadowed her eyes.’

I hope this is useful!

Thank very much for the advice.