Comments on "I'm coming" by Riley

zxvasdf

Nice idea, but I’m not sure what floating from the ceiling means…
Also there’s a lot that might be cleaned up, from a grammatical and spelling standpoint. Otherwise, it’s actually quite sad. What made the first brother want to ruin his brother’s life by his suicide? What internal struggles made the second brother want to follow, despite the first brother’s obvious hostility? Brotherhood can be strange.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
- 2 out of 5
Raphael Bane

@ zxvasdf- I think he strangled himself. Good story though.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
- 4 out of 5
Mystique

I liked it.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.
- 3 out of 5
InZanadee

I agree, there are some technical errors to clean up, but over all, it’s sort of gut-wrenching the describes the sensations of falling. He seems almost…giddy. Which makes his death that more sad because, for those moments, he felt good. Nice take on that.
- Posted almost 9 years ago.