Possibly you mean storm instead of storom??

But otherwise, nice atmospheric ficy!

Very poignant study of two characters. The chilliness between them is very evident, and one can tell it comes from a damaged place.

Darn typos! Thanks, i, Coomber for the catch, and thanks for the kind words Eckhouse.

Storom could be a great name for a villain. I wouldn’t discard it completely!
I felt that the word choices were a bit too fancy for the domestic blue collar setting— especially when a character says “I shall”— it didn’t come across very believable. I think it could be better if the characters talked more like real people. Either that or there needs to be a sequel or two in order to flesh out who these people are so we understand why they talk like literary buffs from a bygone era. Also, “condescending cluck” idk. Hard to be convincingly condescending when you sound like a farm animal.
I’m being hard on this. I feel like a jerk. But it’s just how I feel. I think I expect more from you because I respect your talent and I believe in your ability to hit the bulls-eye.

Thanks for being critical, Tad. In my defense though I wasn’t thinking blue collar, more upper middle class suburbia. Still, you’re right—didn’t quite hit the right tones for what I was going for. Always good to get that feedback.

I definately got a middle-class town from this, rather than the masses in the hard parts of the city.

I get this feeling – the loss of a child that can break a family apart. The deluded mother who subconsciously holds onto the memory. The br0ken father who lost his pride and joy and lives in denial with no motiven do anything but mope.

Somehow I got Britain from this. The storms and the roast.

I, too, was thrown off by a ‘condescending cluck’. I had to stop for a while to consider what that would sound like.

There is a feeling of emptiness here. Within a relationship, a house, a car, a room. It’s a sadness that seeps through the cold and impersonal language. I think it’s pretty stunning.

That verdammt cluck has been removed. I know what I meant but couldn’t describe it any better so changed it.

so he stood in the doorway while she ate her meal?? That seems odd.
I think the tone is great, the grey, the chill in this piece is the defiance, the stubbornness of both, but why three plates? You have to assume there is a dad, but he doesn’t eat dinner with them, and then you mention ‘he’, but that can’t be the dad, because she set a place for him.. unless the mom is crazy and thinks her husband is coming home one day. That’s a good reason for the son to leave… he is fed up with mom..
But that’s me reading more into this.

Saying “goodbye” is never easy.

Nicely done, THX. I’m glad I didn’t read it with that “cluck” thing in it.

(clicks on sequel)