Nice, I liked the relationship between the boys, even if you couldn’t tell really if they were brothers or friends. The “burning alive” description made me laugh and shiver at the same time

That’s the kind of thing you remember when looking at the scene of horror. Everything holds a memory. It doesn’t really feel like it belongs in the challenge, no matter how beautiful the story is. Those little moments with brothers stay with you forever.

One thing: “licking at me”? Also the grammar in places is sketchy.

It’s unclear what’s licking, haha, I know— I meant that the ‘flames are licking at me’ but that sentence needs reworking. And the grammar… god strike me down. You know it’s funny I started out thinking of a house fire to fit with the challenge… but when I started writing I got wrapped up in the small things… lost sight of the big pic. Oh, well. Can’t win em all. I appreciate the feed back very much. Keep keeping it real.

I read it as meaning the narrator was a pyro who killed their friend by burning them alive. Maybe I’m just morbid and spend too much time with really messed up people. Good description, a horrendous detail to imagine. I liked the ceiling description too, having spent a lot of time staring at popcorn ceiling.

I understood the last sentence, though it was a bit awkwardly put together.

“It looked like an inverted mountain range of cottage cheese; a mini frozen tundra for my imagination to hike.”

I love how dense your writing is, how many metaphors get layered all in the one sentence.

Overall, I found the whole piece very ambigious, but I have a feeling that was what you were going for.

I pictured Jacob as a little brother, and was quite shocked that you went so far as to burn them both up! Tragic, and well described, except, I imagine the smoke would get to them before the flames.