It’s been about a month since I’ve gotten back home. A year since the abduction. Ten months since the first time he raped me. Four months since I found out I was having this monster’s child. One month since I was set free.

I’ve been feeling strange lately. The doctors say it’s normal, I’ve just suffered immense trauma, being held hostage for a year, tortured, maimed, and I’m pregnant. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, is what they tell me I have. Even still, something doesn’t feel right and no matter how much I try to shake that feeling, I can’t. I can’t just shake the feeling of being violated day after day for months. I remember, everything that monster did to me.

Today, the feeling is there, that sensation of being helpless. I have to make it go away and there is only one way to accomplish this goal. The razor is in my hand, hovering over my carotid artery. I begin to make the cut, not even thinking. I’m ready to go but something stops me. A flutter in my stomach, a kick…and I realize I can’t go.