This story was based on a song by She Wants Revenge called “Sister”. The dialog is from the song.

Those red heads are nuts. Every single one of them. This one included.

That third paragraph is a bit confusing. I’m not sure if he’s asking permission or his eyes are. Not sure why I’m confused by it or how to make it more clear though, so that’s probably not helpful. I think the “asking permission” part of the sentence can be removed entirely, which may make it work better.

Ahh. I meant he was asking permission with his eyes. I see what you mean though. Thanks!