Quite the moment there at the end, and you snuck up on me with the gay theme this time saving the name reveal towards the end. That first paragraph got a big hard to follow, I think from referring to people by features, especially call her by her hair as she moves said hair. I think in general there’s just a few too many adverbs that make it a challenging read—still, almost, etc. A great, dramatic situation though.
THX 0477