Youch. And did the mother really, deliberately turn a blind eye? Quite the sucker punch, this.

I think this is very powerful. However, I think the series of questions in the second paragraph could become less confusing. As it is, the first question describes something that didn’t happen (‘never giggled’), but the next two describe things that did (‘asked me to sit a little longer’; ‘turn away from the door’). That’s hard to follow as a reader, because it makes it seem as if she wanted him to ask her to sit a little longer, but he didn’t.

Finally, I had to look at the challenge this story is entered in to figure out what was happening in the end. Maybe I’m just slow.

Cheers.

I totally did not see that. You are right. That does throw things off. It wasn’t easy to change, but do let me know if it’s actually any easier on the noggin to read. Thanks.

This covers the “stick it to ’em” story well. A bit vaugue for me. Couldn’t tell why she needed to get away from dad. I liked that you chose a holiday to do the deed on. There is high rate of suicide during the holidays.