COOL! I like the fact the obect you picked to tell a story about is in the FUTURE!
Love this line: “The shiners skunked past with respectful side-eye glances.”

I like the fact this is not melodramatic or cheesy, just a proud, enthusiastic guy who has no time for boohoo stories guy doing its job.

Sci-fi noire throughout, and a disturbing image at the end there. Nice shift from do-gooder in a lawless town to agent of an oppressive regime.

I can imagine a sentient brain taser in this Blade Runner future. It is an interesting premises to expand upon.

Sometimes, to write a very cool story, you first have to write a much longer very cool story. Establish the narrative, then write a synopsis that summarizes what you know but what might be alien to readers. Occasionally, that will turn out to be very cool. This is one of those occasions.

Capturing the voice of an inamate object is hard, but you made this Lockjaw device really come alive. It sounds to me almost like a trained animal, like a brutal but loyal attack dog.

Very nicely done.

Whoops, I kind of bungled the spelling of “inanimate” there… just thought I’d clarify what the hell that word was meant to be…

Thanks for all the nice comments, everyone! When I saw iamthemoon’s challenge, I had a jones to write from the perspective of something that doesn’t actually exist in our world. It was a tough one to do and I appreciate any and all feedback.

And thanks so much for the feature! That means a lot to me.

This story is simply excellent. Like all good dystopias, the setting feels eerily familiar. Very gritty and believable. Well done!

I love the cadence of the piece. The driving rhythm mimics the sounds of the gritty streets of an inner city.

The second paragraph begins with a very vivid painting of a future world (though I wondered if I should see a semi-colon somewhere in the first sentence) and I was transported instantly.

Ms. Gallenberg – you are officially being followed.