Clarification: caprine=goat. I decided Halstead is an anthropomorphized goat. Because I can.

Why not? You created him.

I like this. It’s a mixture of tension with an almost-garnish of comedy. Let’s see what I can come up with next.

“I’m pretty sure Halstead quietly broke wind.” LOL LOVE the humor here.

“his cloven hand finding its way to the hilt of his sword.” Ah…how can he grab a sword with a cloven hand? lol
I know, all thing are possible in Fantasy.

“along the way somewhere.” – Don’t think you need the “somewhere”

ponderous eyes & caprine friend – sadly both of these uses of cool word stopped my reading and made me question how they worked with the sentences.

Thanks for the critiques, Tina. I made some changes, which I’m happy about as they were definitely improvements.

I left “caprine” though, as a more direct hint at Halstead’s species and as a sign of disdain between the species in this made up world.

Much more descriptive and made it clear he has cool eyes! Not heavy as I thought with ponderous. NO NEED to explain your reasoning to keep your delightful vocab man!

Nice improvements. Definitely contributed to a more streamlined narrative.