“I shall not kill any living creature, personally nor by proxy.” The Buddhist spoke, even as cockroaches crawled over his zazen form in the middle of his New York City apartment.

“Then why the hell did you call me?” asked Deuce Venture, Pest Detector.

“I had hoped you would find a solution to my dilemma without any unnecessary violence.”

“Hmm. Say pardon me.”

“Pardon me?”

“By doing so, you have hereby authorized me to do this. Sorry dude, you’re gonna burn in hell. Do you Buddhists even have a hell?” Deuce Venture, Pest Detector, squatted and did a Cossack Jig. Wet popping noises filled the room.

“No! No! Noooooo!”