The story’s neat. To me, ‘his heart decided to follow her’ makes it all a little less cynical than it would be it if just read ‘he decided to follow her’. Which I think is a good thing.

I feel like the narrator could have a little more character – but at the same time I like the fact that he just jumps into it, totally matter of fact.

No one can deny that ‘high school nonsense’ is the king of tags though?

I disagree with you, Spider! My first thought was that he meant his heart followed her in a literal sense, and he had a heart attack and died.

Don’t get me wrong, I thought it meant the same thing in a narrative sense. Just felt it was worded in a way that managed to make the heart attack reference but also allude to something a little more delicate.

I am nothing if not a sentimentalist.

I opted for the sentimental angle, as well, because I’m kind of a big mush.

Geebs, you pretty consistently amuse me, and this is no exception. If you wanted to, you could probably lose the reference to Christina Ricci and just say “from the movies,” or later on “a crush on a girl from grade school,” without losing anything.

I enjoyed this, but I’m wondering what a note from a ghost looks like. Is it a folded up piece of paper? Or do the words “Does he like me? Check one box.” appear written in the fog on a classroom window? It seems like the former, but I’d hope for the latter.

Quirky premise, and the conclusion was all “hahaha”, but then suddenly “awww”.

I really really like it, a lot.

Also, I thought the heart attack and the love thing were purposely confused, and that was a big part of the appeal.

I definately agree with JMV, the ‘hahaha’ to ‘awww’ was pulled off expertly.

most heart-warming heart attack ever

I can’t say much that’s all that different from what the above said. The first line was really good. Your writing seems to employ a nice balance between description, narrative drive, and emotion.

i liked it i think they pretty much analyzed it all anyone could say but i enjoyed it had what the french call pazzaz lol

wow…again very good. I love the last line but it doesn’t seem to be a last line. To me, the old man stuff was a sub story and shouldn’t be ended with but character limit I guess.
I really loved your first line and how you built up to the sub story without any action…
Very well done.
Abby x

I love love love this.
especially the part with his heart following her.