Thanks! This helped me polish a small part of my novel AURIST.

Nicely done.

The story has a very adolescent and innocent feel to it and at the same time the criminal element is introduced when we learn they are running from gunfire. Nice description of what it feels to be out of breath; fire in ribs.

One typo: “_Hearing_ my name on his lips…”

I’m looking forward to reading more.

ha! thanks, typo fixed!

Very exciting, and I like the romantic flair that him saying her name made the escape possible.

Breathtaking!

Opening with action is a sure-fire hook!

Well done.

I really liked the movement you gained and the suspense of whether she would make it or not.

Total flashback, and a great memory. I like what you write but also enjoy how my world view interprets the story. Now all I can think about is the very first book I checked out of a library, the first novel I ever read, The Boxcar Children. Wow.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boxcar_Children

And damn it! Now I find out in my wiki search there 124 more in a series! I have to get them.