That was extremely weird but oddly poetic. Sounds like a fever dream or ramblings on a death bed. Some of the descriptions in the early part felt over-done, but that may be the prose-loving side of me missing the poetry of it all.

doomed to repeat heartbreak until his death.. also, poetically written, like THX said.

I would think that if this were an entry in the “Broken” challenge, it would do quite well.

You certainly grabbed my attention with: _ the sun loves his planets_ and kept it with _ an unirrigated bacteria-penetrated piece of flesh_.

Sadly the “Venus” thing felt overused and smug; out of place with the initial feel that drew me in. Venus’ eyelashes like Venus Flytraps? Perhaps something else could have been used in its place?

I enjoyed your unique voice and would like to read more of you.

Hey thanks for the comments. Yes, I’m sucker for the sickly sweet poetics…

There’s a lot of Venus’ isn’t there? haha, although I don’t get the smug feeling I agree they may have been overused. Hmm :)