Great imagery, filled with despair and an almost contented hopelessness. Nice work.

Wow. Halfway through I had an eerie feeling that something was awry, but the wrap-up is still stunning and effective. And disturbing. Did I mention disturbing?

There’s a double “my” on the fourth line that snuck in there, just for a head’s up!

Much obliged for the comments – especially pointing out my ‘my my’.

Yeah, the desperation is heavy here, but it’s so resigned . I could picture the grim room, the grim man. Would you go back to work and stop churning out so much good stuff to comment on? We have to work, too.

There’s just such an overwhelming sense of resignation. It’s one of those things that makes you just feel wrong for a little bit afterward. A lot of people don’t like it. Though it’s unpleasant, it takes a truly great piece of writing.