Sad and far too often true.

It may be my lack of “writerologyness” but this sentence: She screamed the last words and the assembled crowd blanched as one, with embarrassment vying with shock for dominance., kinda sounds a little off. Maybe a little too heavy?

Good work as always, Robert.

gripping. truly. and i like that sentence.

One of the things that’s wrong with that sentence is that there’s a grammatical problem. ‘Crowd’ is a singular noun, and ‘blanched as one’ is redundant. I’d suggest as least ‘the assembled mourners blanched as one’ or ‘the crowd blanched’ assuming that one accepts that a crowd can blanch. Otherwise, I have no problem with the sentence.